Seras' Thoughts
by Matoska
Summary: This is the fixed version. No mixing anime & manga. Post War and Seras is reflecting.


Thanks to those who reviewed (here and on my Hellsing FanFic site). I hopefully "fixed" this short and uploaded the edited version today. At the time I wrote this I did not realize I was mixing anime and manga like I did. Sorry. Hope this is better!

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My name is Seras Victoria. I work for the "no longer quite so secret" Hellsing Organization. Since the "Undead War" ended and reconstruction of London has begun, vampire and freak attacks are down. I have plenty of time on my hands so I find myself thinking a lot. Today I find my mind rolling around the people who shaped the person, or Draculina if you will, I am today. They are easy enough to count on one hand. Actually it's sad to think there are so few who shaped me into what I am today. 

First there were the two thugs that burst into our quiet little home slaughtering my parents, wounding me and leaving me for dead. This is actually more of an event that helped to shape me than the actual people, but it was their actions that helped to turn me into a killing machine. The attacker that was raping my mother's corpse was my very first victim. I remember mother hiding me in the closet, hearing her and father scream and beg for mercy, and then the two thugs laughing. I peeked out from my hiding place to see the one having his way with my poor dead mother. The rage that hit me was overwhelming and I grabbed the first thing I could, a dinner fork, and repeatedly stabbed him with it to get him off my mother. I nailed him in the eye a couple times and later found out he died of complications from that injury – just another piece of trash disposed of. His buddy shot me and they left thinking I would die. I learned to become quite stubborn and protective of others from this.

Then there was my current employer, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, current leader of the Hellsing Organization. When I first came to Hellsing I was sure Sir Integra didn't want me and only let me stay to keep an eye on me, but she gave me a chance to prove my worth. I hope I never let her down. Shortly after Master changed me, we were ridding a small Irish town of a vampire and its ghouls when the Vatican Paladin showed up. That horrible excuse for a man used me for a pincushion and cut off Master's head. He then chased me and it was Sir Integra who saved me from his blessed blades. He then thought he could turn on her! She stood up to him without any sign of fear and I couldn't help but be inspired to try and save her from him. That was when we both found out how indestructible Master is, as he came back and sent the Paladin running. Imagine my surprise when I found Sir Integra being escorted by the very same Paladin when I flew to her side for the last battles of the war. I, of course, was different by then. I had become a full-fledged Nosferatu.

I became a true Nosferatu, thanks to Captain Pip Bernadotte. Pip was my first love – yes, I loved Pip and realized it almost too late. It was so gallant of Pip to try and save me and then give me his blood linking his soul to me. He encourage me to fight on even with the odds so against me. Somehow, every time, he always knew I would come out on top. Pip was instrumental in the defeat of Millennium and the werewolf they had in their ranks. He was the toughest opponent I had ever run up against and just when I thought we couldn't kill him, Pip figured out a way to get the job done. Sometimes I miss Pip's vulgar comments and even the Eskimo Song. I will miss Pip and respect his sacrifice the most. He wasn't just another soldier, just like all the other soldiers that gave their lives to save the human race. I will always remember him as he is now a part of me to cherish as long as I exist.

Lastly there's my Master: Alucard, Vlad III, Vlad Tepes, Count Dracula no less. Master did and did not have the most influence on me. It's strange to put it that way… did and did not… but it is true. Master offered me the choice, which I accepted, and he changed me into a vampire, which is a huge part of who I now am, but by the same token he made me fight all the harder to keep my humanity. Master of course wanted me to lose my humanity, but I never gave in to his desire for that. My humanity is too much of who I am and I will never give it up no matter how hard he tries to goad me into doing so. I will not be an uncaring monster like him, hence his lack of influence on me. His lack of actually teaching me to be a vampire is another lack of influence. Everything I have learned so far, and will learn in the future, I have done on my own. Master does not have the patience for such things. The one thing Master has any passion for is war and killing.

At one time I was sure he had some kind of passion for Sir Integra, but that now does not seem the case. He doesn't come out of his dungeon cell for much of anything these days. I suspect he misses Walter, since they had known each other for so long and even fought together previously, but Master of course would never admit that, since it is too human and beneath him to have such a "feeling". Suddenly I feel the chill in the air, taking me from my thoughts, warning of Master's approach. I wonder what he could possible want since he now knows he'll never rid me of my humanity. I am Seras Victoria and I always will be more than human, more than just a monster.


End file.
